I’ve Been Very Happy Lately

I’ve been very happy lately. Things just don’t feel as bad anymore. I wake up easier, I smile and laugh more, and I can’t tell you how good it feels. Though I do owe credit where credit is due. My doctor put me on a new medication, and I can honestly say it’s working to its intended purpose. I’ve felt much more alive on it, more like the Bailey I remember. I also have to thank a lot of it to my boyfriend. He keeps me sane, and has helped ease so much of what goes on in my head. He’s always there to hold my hand through it all, and no amount of thanks could ever be enough. My family, the ones that matter most, have been there through it all from the very beginning. They’ve been supportive and understanding, and my rock when I feel like I’m losing it.

So yeah, I’ve been pretty happy lately. Does it have me wondering when it’ll end? Yes. Does that stop me from living each day and enjoying the feeling I have? No, but it would in the past. I used to live in fear, just waiting for the feeling to end. Then I’d just waste my high. It took having to retrain myself, more or less, to just let it go and live through it the best I could. But once I got past that mental roadblock, I’ve felt much more free.

One thing that has been on my mind though, is the topic of shame, because I’ve been feeling it. Mainly on the topic of my mental health, and my stance on it. I’ve felt myself feeling ashamed at how open I am. I’ve been deleting posts on facebook and instagram, seconds after I post them in fear of people seeing how my head works. I’ve tried to hide it from my boyfriends family because I don’t want them looking at me differently. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard to stay as open as I am. I’m sure other people have felt this before too. The idea of being open about your mental health, without the risk of judgment is just impossible, and I need to accept that.

So this turned more into a diary entry than a blog post, but I haven’t shared myself with you guys in awhile and I wanted to do that again. I’m happy right now, and it feels like it’ll stay around for awhile. I’m back!

Lots of love,

Bailey