Moving On, and Moving Forward — Even When it Feels Impossible

I have been through countless situations that didn’t end the way I felt they were supposed to. It can be hard, depending on how much emotional power it has over you. Whether it be a game you’re playing, an argument with a loved one, a breakup, anything. I’ve had arguments that ended friendships, and made jokes that hurt people. Things don’t always go the way we plan them, but how we go from there is what really defines us.

Something that hurt me for awhile was ending a friendship with someone I considered my best friend. I started the argument, and we both ended it from there. It definitely hurt me for a bit afterwards. Finally I got to a point where I saw both sides, and saw what went wrong. I saw the whole situation in a new light, to where my toxic traits stood out. My awareness really helped me move past it. I understood, and therefore was able to move forward. Today, we are actually friends again. We both grew from the situation, and understood that time was really what we needed in order to have a healthy friendship again.

Trigger Warning for the next paragraph: molestation, and rape.

Now this next topic is something I haven’t quite moved on from, but I have moved forward. When I was in the third grade I was molested by a family friend. I was asleep when it started, and woke up to it. I didn’t know what to do, or how to act. I was so young. I didn’t tell my mom or step dad, or anyone for that matter, up until about 6 years ago. I told my best friend, and it opened the wound back up again. A few years ago I was taken advantage of, and I’ll call it what it was, raped. Though at the time I didn’t want to believe it happened, and I convinced myself I wanted it too. Once I finally accepted it for what it was, I ended up being hospitalized. Which to this day I consider to be a blessing. I was diagnosed with PTSD, among other things. These days my flashbacks are far and few, and I have someone very special to thank for that. If my current partner hadn’t been so loving, accepting, and non judgmental I wouldn’t be at the place that I am mentally. It’s definitely easier now more than it’s ever been, to not only be intimate, but to just function normally. I have a lot of growth left in me with this, but I feel more positive about that now.

Moving on and moving forward can seem quite impossible sometimes. Especially those heavier subjects. But one thing that’s helped me. is changing my outlook. If you change the way you look at a situation, you can change the way it affects you. You can take your steps to moving on. You can heal, and I promise it’s possible to do so.

I have to be honest, opening up in this has been the hardest it’s ever been. I feel a lot of emotions about it, but I know the story needs to be talked about so it no longer holds its power over me. If i triggered you, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to let it go.