An Open Letter to my Father Figures

Matt — 

When I was younger, you were everything. You were the only man I have ever called “dad.” After losing my real father before I even turned 1, having you meant everything. 

I remember you fondly, taking me on father daughter dates to McDonalds of all places, and out for ice cream. I remember you taking me to work with you, and how cool I felt riding in a tow truck, the smell of grease coating the interior. 

I was so young, and in my eyes you were my father. Even when my mom and you divorced, and she remarried, I still called to you. Up until third grade you were one of the only guy in my life that meant something.

But then you left. With no reason, out of nowhere. I remember the day you called me while I was at my friends house, letting me know that you were moving to Florida and I’d never see you again. I remember falling to the floor of her bedroom, just crying, thinking, “How could he do this to me?” You were the first man to break my heart. 

The little girl in me will always call you her only daddy, but to me now, the only part of me that still exists, you are nothing.

Ryan —

You’ve been a gem in my eyes since I was four years old. I’ve always looked up to you. You were my brother long before you married into the family. 

I remember cuddling with you, in between you and my sister. I remember you taking photos of me on your film camera for some high school project. I remember you taking me fishing with you, dressing me up in gear you had lying around. I remember the times you took me snorkeling at the river, and how excited I’d get just to see a fish beneath me. 

You’ve always been a father figure in my eyes. Someone to toughen me up, yet always remind me how loved I was. I remember how jealous I was when you had your daughter, thinking it would ruin the relationship we had. I didn’t realize our bond until I was old enough to comprehend it. 

The amount of respect I have grown for you is insurmountable. Thank you for teaching me my worth, and how to not let anyone treat me otherwise. I hope one day I’ll have you on my arm, walking me down the aisle when I get married. I love you brother.

DD —

You are one of my best friends. I truly believe the universe knew we were meant to be in each other’s lives, and just handed us to the world. 

I know growing up we butted heads. I was a loud, mouthy, and opinionated little girl. I aimed for attention, and I always got it. You were quite a snob in my eyes (don’t hate me for saying that), but yet I was always attached to your leg. I adored the sound of your laughter — and still do. 

I loved that you let me draw with you, and always told me my art was fridge worthy. I loved your Star Wars figurines, yet never understood why you kept them in the box to where I couldn’t play with them. You’d always play legos with me, and commend me for my amazing ability to build a color coordinated house. 

In the presence, I love that you continue to teach me about mindfulness, and how to unlock my inner artist. You always root me on when it comes to my art, and any other endeavors. You’d still tell me my art is fridge worthy if you even remembered that memory of mine. You’ve helped raise me, as a promise to my dad. You’ve given me support to do whatever the hell I want to do. To love who I want to. To make art the way I want to. To find peace in my past. 

Thank you for being my art teacher, and for being my life coach. Thank you for being one of the closest people to me, where I know all my secrets wont be held in vain. I love you, and hope you read this and it makes you smile, or laugh that infectious sound it makes. I’m proud to say that you’re my uncle, and always will be. Always be you, just like you’ve taught me to be. 

Love, Bailey