Perception

Perception. Something that has been on my mind lately. The idea of being perceived by the people I encounter frightens me, and makes me anxious. And today I am going to rant about it.

Everyone has their own perception of you whether you want them to or not. Everyone you’ve passed by, or spoken to, or loved, has their own idea of you in their mind. For example, my ex boyfriends perception of me is vastly different from my current boyfriends. My high school friends think of me differently than my friends now. It’s the game of who thinks what, and who’s shared that with who. And I’ll admit I’ve become victim to immersing myself into this game, into this world, and trying to understand what it means to me, and how I am going to cope with the idea of a bad perception of me getting tossed around.

It gives me a great amount of anxiety that shouldn’t ever exist in me when it comes to this topic. To think about how every decision you’ve made has been picked at, and prodded by family, friends, total strangers — whether that be positively or negatively. It blows my mind sometimes when I fall down this rabbit hole.

People will love you, and hate you in different ways, and that’s just a fact of life. Now dealing with the emotions that surround being perceived and perceiving others is a whole other ball game. It kills me to think that someone I’ve loved, and been loved by, could spread a false narrative around of me just because they can. When I think about it like that, it’s when my chest feels heavier about this. When I think of it as a total stranger who’s just walked past me and judged me on my appearance is when I take a step back and think about how superficial perception really is.

Now although the emotions around this can feel a little heavy sometimes, try to stop and ground yourself. Getting yourself out of the mindset of being perceived, and into one that you feel comfortable with yourself and your identity can really change your day around. I’ve heard people use meditation to help with grounding themselves. I think it’s important to let the thought exist, but not to play with it. Let it go through your mind, not through your soul. You may hate being perceived, but it’s going to happen and accepting that is when your mind can begin to heal itself.

Anyway, thank you for always letting me rant about topics that are affecting me, and supporting it regardless.

Always,
Bailey